Clean Santa jokes you can tell your kids!

How does Santa take care of sick people? He nurses them back to elf.
What does Santa eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
What do you call Santa when he's wearing ear muffs? Anything, he can't hear you.
Where does Santa cash his checks? At the snow bank.
What's Santa's favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs? Santa Paws.
What's big and jolly and says, "Oh, oh, oh"? Santa Claus walking backwards.
Why does Santa have trouble spelling? He thinks the alphabet has Noel.
What did Santa name his pet frog? Mistletoad.
Where does Santa stay on vacation? At a ho-ho-hotel.
How does Santa get his sleigh to fly? I have no eye deer.
What's Santa's favorite potato chip? Kringles.
What do Santa's elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
What you get when you cross a duck with Santa? A Christmas quacker.
What do you call a cat who works for Santa? Santa Claws.
Why is Santa scared of chimneys? Because he's claus-trophobic.
How you can tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents.
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa? Because her husband was a flake.
What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap.
Why is Santa so good at karate? He has a black belt.
Why does Santa go through the chimney? Because it soots him.
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
How does Santa take pictures? With his Pole-aroid camera.
What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A "Holly" Davidson.
How much did Santa's sleigh cost? It was on the house!
Why was Santa's little helper so sad? He had low elf-esteem.
Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer? Rude-olph.
Why did Santa go to the liquor store? He was looking for holiday spirits.
What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
Why don't you ever see Santa Claus in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.

Michael J.

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