Clean Santa jokes you can tell your kids!


  • How does Santa take care of sick people? He nurses them back to elf.
  • What does Santa eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
  • What do you call Santa when he's wearing ear muffs? Anything, he can't hear you.
  • Where does Santa cash his checks? At the snow bank.
  • What's Santa's favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
  • Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs? Santa Paws.
  • What's big and jolly and says, "Oh, oh, oh"? Santa Claus walking backwards.
  • Why does Santa have trouble spelling? He thinks the alphabet has Noel.
  • What did Santa name his pet frog? Mistletoad.
  • Where does Santa stay on vacation? At a ho-ho-hotel.
  • How does Santa get his sleigh to fly? I have no eye deer.
  • What's Santa's favorite potato chip? Kringles.
  • What do Santa's elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
  • What you get when you cross a duck with Santa? A Christmas quacker.
  • What do you call a cat who works for Santa? Santa Claws.
  • Why is Santa scared of chimneys? Because he's claus-trophobic.
  • How you can tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents.
  • What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
  • Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa? Because her husband was a flake.
  • What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap.
  • Why is Santa so good at karate? He has a black belt.
  • Why does Santa go through the chimney? Because it soots him.
  • What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
  • How does Santa take pictures? With his Pole-aroid camera.
  • What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A "Holly" Davidson.
  • How much did Santa's sleigh cost? It was on the house!
  • Why was Santa's little helper so sad? He had low elf-esteem.
  • Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer? Rude-olph.
  • Why did Santa go to the liquor store? He was looking for holiday spirits.
  • What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
  • Why don't you ever see Santa Claus in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.