Mother's Day... One Year Later

Last year for Mother's Day, my husband and I took our then six-month-old son for a picnic, and my husband took this photo of us:

I don't know what you see when you look at it... Probably a semi-normal looking mom, right? 

I wish I could see that too! 

Instead, what I see is someone so full of anxiety, and so unsure of everything. Being a new mom is hard to describe. The joy is unbelievable, but for me in those first few months it was often overshadowed with fear, panic, and anxiety.

When I think back on my first Mother's Day, what I remember most is how I couldn't believe I was struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. 

Putting my baby bump on the radio, summer 2015.

I was so excited to get pregnant! We couldn't wait to become parents and I spent most of my pregnancy on cloud nine (...with my head in a toilet, but still on cloud nine!).

That's probably why I was so shocked when PPD&A settled in after my son was born. I never saw it coming! I told myself for months-- way longer than I should have-- that it was just 'normal baby blues' and everything was fine. It wasn't until a really brave friend of mine opened up about her struggles that I started to be honest with myself, and with everyone around me.

I'm so lucky I have a great doctor who helped me find a great therapist; and a great husband, family, and friends who supported me. Because here I am, one year later, and I LOVE MOTHERHOOD. It finally feels like I always thought it would. It feels natural, like it's what I'm meant to be doing. 

One year later, two happy peas in a pod!

I guess I'm just writing this because I want to say an extra HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to everyone who ever has, or ever will, struggle with postpartum. Even though it feels like it, you're not alone. And there is hope. And I'm sending you love.

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